I find it not that hard to forgive people who hurt me, no matter what they did. As long as that person is truly sorry and I can feel that s/he is sincere, then I will try to put everything behind me. They don’t even have to utter the word sorry as long as I see and feel that they truly are.
But…I find it extremely hard to forgive people that hurt the people I love. It just feels different. I guess it is because I don’t have a control of that situation. No matter how angry I was, it stil is between the people I care for and the people who hurt them. It’s like being an audience to a lousy soap opera. You can’t do anything about it but you can’t just leave it alone.
For example, if your daughter broke up with her boyfriend, because, for the sake for argument, he cheated on her. As a parent, we’d probably want to hang the guy upside down and feed him to the ants for breaking our poor baby’s heart. A few weeks later, the daughter tells you that they’re back together. He was sorry and she accepted his tearful apology. The nerve of that guy! But what can you do? Nothing. Unless you are planning to pull a Montague-Capulet-like bloodshed, all you can do is warn your daughter that he might do it again. But to your protest, you’d probably hear the “But he’s changed! I can feel it. He’ll never cheat on me again. Trust me.” monologue from your starry eyed daughter.
Now, I don’t have a daughter but that’s probably how my parents felt when I’ve forgiven the guy who cheated on me 10 million years ago. I may not have a child yet, but I’m guessing that the helplessness of the parent in my example parallels the same helplessness I’m feeling whenever a person I care for is hurt.
And just for the record, I didn’t take him back. I’m not that nice of a person.
Which is easier: Forgive the person who hurt you or forgive the person who hurt the people you love?