I haven’t had a goodnight sleep in a while. I usually go to bed at 4 in the morning. That itself is already considered a very late bedtime (or early depending on your sense of humour). But no matter how late I turn in, I still spend a good hour or two tossing and turning fighting off the feeling of not wanting to sleep. Yes, I don’t want to sleep only to wake up the next day and spend the day doing nothing but watch TV, eat or even take a nap whenever I wanted to. That sounds like a good deal for a lot of people who needed a break from working too much. Not for someone who’s been doing nothing. Someone like me.
Not that my life is a wreck. I have a great family, friends and a wonderful boyfriend. I consider myself to be a lucky gal surrouned with loving people like them. But I guess for a person with the attention span of a first grader, I need other things to do. I want to be able to do something where in multitasking does not equal to using the computer, watching tv, eating and talking on the phone at the same time.
Not that I don’t have anything to do around here. Household chores will always be there. I have no problem doing that. Modesty aside, I am an excellent worker. I work very fast and efficient. And I guess that’s what my problem is. I am a very fast worker which just means I have more time to do other things. What those other things are, I don’t know.
Not that I’m not trying. I’ve been looking for a job for a couple of months now. I’ve had a couple of interviews and I have yet to find out the results. I am so sick of being broke. I don’t like asking money from anyone, even my parents. I want to spend money I’ve worked for. But lately, I had to swallow my pride and take money from them. I don’t like it that whenever we go out, Bass would be that one footing the bill of wherever we go to. When I used to have a job, I always isisted on paying half or at least get my turn in paying. I don’t always succeed on convincing him to let me pay, but at least I offered.
But getting a job when I go to school fulltime is not the greatest thing that could happen to me. Aside from the demands of the academia, I still have to rake up hours for my volunteer jobs. I need to get as much volunteer experience when I apply for grad school next year. I also need to do other activities that I think will boost up my chances of getting in. The need of earning my own money is great, however, the need to volunteer is greater. I could do both if weren’t only for my erratic class schedule this term. I only have one class (and a lab) that I find problematic schedule-wise BUT I need that class so I guess I haven’t got a choice.
I’m done ranting for now so I will hit the “Publish” button in a few. And then I’ll be back doing nothing.
I’ve always had a sunny disposition in life, but not right now. I feel so useless.